Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Why I Can't Sleep!

I have actually seen people in my Rheumatologist's office with hands that looked just like the above rendering!
The two top photos of my hands were taken on a day when I wasn't very swollen.

Well its 3:07 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep yet. I am typing this in a most awkward manner because only a few of my fingers are functioning. I really am shocked, because I felt pretty good for a few hours today and had quite a fruitful day! Shane and I wrapped some presents, did school, some laundry and some bill paying. I thought this would be the night for some sweet slumber. I was wrong! Oh well! The photos above of my hands were taken about 2 weeks ago. The fingers were swollen to what felt like twice their true size. Tonight, my worst pain and swelling is the middle finger of the left hand. I swear, it looks 3 times it true size! My right shoulder, both wrists, right foot and right jaw are causing misery also. Other fingers are swollen as well, but that middle one is the star of the show tonight!

I trust you all don't percieve this as a "poor me" story. I just find it helps me to share the realities of my life. I know many people don't really "get me" and must wonder why I hardly do anything. You know, its hard for me to make daily plans because I never know if I'll be able to physically meet my obligation. I make many plans with this thought and prayer in mind: "Lord, you know I want to do this. (whatever the occassion might be.) Please help me get there. It will be a great experience for Shane. Help me not to worry about the 'what ifs' of tomorrow. I know you love me and want me to reflect that love. Please help my attitude. Help me tactfully cancel if I must." and so on and so forth; you get the idea! For example, I have plans to drive to Sun City tomorrow (today!) and get my aunt who is visiting from Indiana. She is going to stay with us a few days before Christmas. She is one of the easiest house guests one could ever hope for. Thank God! My house needs vacuuming and dusting. Both bathrooms need to be cleaned. I have ironing piled in my breakfast room. Shane wanted to bake cookies so badly tonight but I just couldn't. Once again, I told him "Maybe tomorrow." I also had to say no to my friend Bianca for today. She needed someone to care for her two precious boys and based on my condition at the time of her phone call, I truthfully knew I could not do it. That's hard for me to accept sometimes - the fact that I can't do something I LOVE!!!Oh how I would have loved to been able to hear my Kaden's giggle and hold baby boy Aaron in my arms!

Shane with Kaden and Aaron

Baby Aaron in my arms a few weeks ago!

Okay, enough now! I am going to try to sleep. Goodnight!


tupalup said...

They are adorable. Both of them. I wish I could meet them. Because they are dolls! (No offense,boys)hehe

Jackie said...

OH how sweet. I just love babies! I'm sorry you're feeling so stinky. I would love to lay in bed with you and waller the pain away! You're in my prayers!

Jungle Mom said...

Ouch, thanks for sharing this. A lot of times people dont realize how much tnis can effect your life style. praying for you and dont stress! Just let the good times flow!! Thank the Lord He knows our sorrows and pain. God allows this in your life for a pupose and we need to accept His will, even when we dont understand.

Anonymous said...

I just realized that Kaden is picking his nose in the picture. LOL, that is Sooooooooo cute!! Jackie

Pat said...

It is tough to have the will but the body is not able!! Here's praying you will be able to sleep, and not to overdo it when you feel better....and that you will be able to get just what needs done for Christmas!!

Knowing what I do about arthritis, I know the pain and the constant persistence it has , I know you place a smile on your face and go on even when you feel B*A*D!!!

Your health is in my prayers, friend.

What cute little boys---I know how happy you were to have them as guests recently!! One day soon, maybe they can visit again!!

Teresa said...

Hey sweetie, talking about it can be theraputic and no one could ever think of you as do-less. You do so much, all the time. Praying for you and I love you so very much....oops, getting mushie, and teary, gotta go now. Oh, what cuties pies in the pics.